This is beyond beautiful. It is gutting, heart-wrenching and somehow heart filling all at the same time. Thank you for putting yourself out here like this.
Thank you as always for your continued support on this journey through my writing. I am so thankful you are here to share in my grief and healing process. Today was a difficult but beautiful day.
They really are. And yet this is the first holiday season where we actually have found a semblance of anticipation of joy because of our daughter. It’s bittersweet.
Covered in chills. My heart. What I read through my tears was beautiful though. And utterly heartbreaking but I’m glad you can express this with your writing I’m sure it has to help a little to get it out. Sending my love to you all.
Thank you so much for your honesty and authenticity. And also thank you for reading. This piece was a heavy one to share if I'm being honest -- seeing that today is my son's birthday. So a lot of mixed emotions with it. But you are right, the lyrics to his song, are simple, but they resonate so deeply. Honestly, I know not everyone is a Christian, or enjoys Christian artists, but in general, his ability as a songwriter/lyricist is just so emotionally impactful and hits deep so often. It's just the hauntingly beautiful truth that we are not in control of what we want in the moment, and instead are reminded of the gentleness that comes with being willing to be patience and rest for the harvest to one day come -- even if it's not how we expect it to be in the end.
I won’t say I’m Christian exactly because of the negative Connotations associated with the word… but my late father was a pastor I grew up in the word and light and he was a true follower of Christ. I struggled many years finding a church that wasn’t about pastors in Escalades cause my father was a man for the people and that just didn’t sit well with me. Then I did I even led praise in worship. I was also in an extremely abusive marriage with small children praying daily for anything, fasting, studying, praising, even read how to be a submissive wife. Anything to lessen then abuse. But years passed and nothing. I haven’t been to church since the summer I escaped my ex husband. Idk it’s complicated feelings you know? Yeah you do. I felt alone and had to rescue myself. There was no miracle coming. It was leave or die. I chose life, I chose my girls. lol now I’m crying again.
Sorry for trauma dumping and taking over your moment.
You again are completely okay with sharing! I appreciate your honesty and willingness to express your past experiences—despite the pain that comes with it. I completely understand the complex emotions surrounding being a person of faith, and even church hurt.
I actually have wrestled a lot with my own faith since losing our boys so I get that completely. I wrote about it more in my book — the authentic view of trying to find hope where there seems to be none.
I completely understand. My own journey is different than even four years ago. Through our trauma and loss, I honestly feel like it’s more authentic in a twisted way — like I understand the depths of grief and can still find joy and provision through it.
That I can understand. I’ve managed to keep my heart from hardening and growing bitter despite so many traumas one person would endure and I choose to use that to share I’m still here I can still find love and joy in simple things and hopefully to encourage those who are where I’ve been to keeep going. Feelings are so Big it’s hard to see past them.
When I was 15 I was already depressed witha drunk “mom” , dad already dead, and one night I was raped by my OLDER brothers OLDER friend after taking me he’d give me a ride home…
and I overdosed on 100 Benadryl pills after.
I managed to dial my friend before fading away.
Coma for two weeks every organ failing. Should be dead.
But I walked out.
For that I have to write for anyone deep in that pain to please keep going and see it’s possible to continue
Wow that is so much for you to have to not only experience but to also unpack later down your path. I am genuinely heartbroken to read that you had to go through all of that, and yet you give a story of hope for so many who may be experiencing something similar. What a gift it is to be able to share our stories through our writing in whatever form they take — and in turn, impact people from around the globe to hear your wisdom and encouragement of “keep going” despite the circumstances you were once in.
Truly inspiring to hear your voice and the resilience you have years later despite being on the precipice of death itself. I am so thankful to know you.
This is beyond beautiful. It is gutting, heart-wrenching and somehow heart filling all at the same time. Thank you for putting yourself out here like this.
Thank you as always for your continued support on this journey through my writing. I am so thankful you are here to share in my grief and healing process. Today was a difficult but beautiful day.
Thank you for letting me be here. Sending love to you and your wife today and your little girl today.
So much love being received and we are so thankful. Just gearing up for the 6th for round two.
Anniversaries are HARD
They really are. And yet this is the first holiday season where we actually have found a semblance of anticipation of joy because of our daughter. It’s bittersweet.
Covered in chills. My heart. What I read through my tears was beautiful though. And utterly heartbreaking but I’m glad you can express this with your writing I’m sure it has to help a little to get it out. Sending my love to you all.
I love that lyric it was haunting but stunning
"So just let the ground rest
'Cause if it's not right now It's for the best
You're going to grow, I know this
But for now, just let the ground rest..."
💜
Thank you so much for your honesty and authenticity. And also thank you for reading. This piece was a heavy one to share if I'm being honest -- seeing that today is my son's birthday. So a lot of mixed emotions with it. But you are right, the lyrics to his song, are simple, but they resonate so deeply. Honestly, I know not everyone is a Christian, or enjoys Christian artists, but in general, his ability as a songwriter/lyricist is just so emotionally impactful and hits deep so often. It's just the hauntingly beautiful truth that we are not in control of what we want in the moment, and instead are reminded of the gentleness that comes with being willing to be patience and rest for the harvest to one day come -- even if it's not how we expect it to be in the end.
I won’t say I’m Christian exactly because of the negative Connotations associated with the word… but my late father was a pastor I grew up in the word and light and he was a true follower of Christ. I struggled many years finding a church that wasn’t about pastors in Escalades cause my father was a man for the people and that just didn’t sit well with me. Then I did I even led praise in worship. I was also in an extremely abusive marriage with small children praying daily for anything, fasting, studying, praising, even read how to be a submissive wife. Anything to lessen then abuse. But years passed and nothing. I haven’t been to church since the summer I escaped my ex husband. Idk it’s complicated feelings you know? Yeah you do. I felt alone and had to rescue myself. There was no miracle coming. It was leave or die. I chose life, I chose my girls. lol now I’m crying again.
Sorry for trauma dumping and taking over your moment.
Sorry for saying sorry it’s a hard habit.
You again are completely okay with sharing! I appreciate your honesty and willingness to express your past experiences—despite the pain that comes with it. I completely understand the complex emotions surrounding being a person of faith, and even church hurt.
I actually have wrestled a lot with my own faith since losing our boys so I get that completely. I wrote about it more in my book — the authentic view of trying to find hope where there seems to be none.
Maybe that’ll be my Christmas present to myself.
And thank you for your grace
I would be honored if you bought one, but never feel like you have to 🙂
Still love who Jesus was what he did and his teachings to be clear. Aside from that idk anymore
I completely understand. My own journey is different than even four years ago. Through our trauma and loss, I honestly feel like it’s more authentic in a twisted way — like I understand the depths of grief and can still find joy and provision through it.
That I can understand. I’ve managed to keep my heart from hardening and growing bitter despite so many traumas one person would endure and I choose to use that to share I’m still here I can still find love and joy in simple things and hopefully to encourage those who are where I’ve been to keeep going. Feelings are so Big it’s hard to see past them.
When I was 15 I was already depressed witha drunk “mom” , dad already dead, and one night I was raped by my OLDER brothers OLDER friend after taking me he’d give me a ride home…
and I overdosed on 100 Benadryl pills after.
I managed to dial my friend before fading away.
Coma for two weeks every organ failing. Should be dead.
But I walked out.
For that I have to write for anyone deep in that pain to please keep going and see it’s possible to continue
Just know I’m always crying lol
Okay maybe ranting is just my thing
Wow that is so much for you to have to not only experience but to also unpack later down your path. I am genuinely heartbroken to read that you had to go through all of that, and yet you give a story of hope for so many who may be experiencing something similar. What a gift it is to be able to share our stories through our writing in whatever form they take — and in turn, impact people from around the globe to hear your wisdom and encouragement of “keep going” despite the circumstances you were once in.
Truly inspiring to hear your voice and the resilience you have years later despite being on the precipice of death itself. I am so thankful to know you.